Lords of Salem

I've been procrastinating with the writing of this post for over a month, so finally without further ado let's talk about Salem. I keep wanting to call this movie Salem's Lot, but it is nothing like Salem's Lot, there's not a single vampire to be seen. The Lords of Salem is Rob Zombie's latest offering and his take on the subgenre of witches and satanism. Of course it stars his wife Sheri Moon Zombie as the recovering drug addict/radio DJ Heidi Hawthorne who's family has a dark secret.

Now we the film opens with some gratuitous nudity, but not from the buxom young women most horror aficionados are accustomed to. These women are hardcore witches living in the woods outside of the beloved Salem Massachusetts (not Salem Oregon) and time has certainly had an effect on their devil worshipping bodies. Of course after our history lesson in events of the past we are brought to the present day and a local radio station where our protagonist works alongside a dirty hippie guy and the actor who was in Dawn of the Dead and From Beyond, if you want to know who that is IMDb is quite fun and easy to use.

First time I watched it I thought the movie was about an adorable dog coping with the shortcomings of it's master.

Now our DJ's receive a strange record from "The Lords" which, because this is a horror movie and nothing bad can come of it, they play on the radio. The song on it has a strange effect on the town and drives most of the plot from here on out. We also meet some rather strange women who have a special interest in Heidi Hawthorne.

Today's lesson: Unless it's from your Grandmother, free teatime should never be trusted.

So you're watching the movie and you're pretty sure that you understand what's going on... then the last 20 minutes arrive. If you are able to just lose yourself in the imagery and forget about the plot it's great, but I was left with a feeling of confusion and gratitude that I wasn't epileptic by the end of the movie. Because I knew the plot pulls a disappearing act my second viewing of the film was much more pleasant as I could just revel in the twisted, artsy shots that served as the climax and ending of the movie. I would say that while I would have loved a more satisfying ending, it was still one of the better horror movies I've seen this year, so if given the opportunity you should give it a chance.

If I get a pet goat Satanists will leave me alone right?