Friday, 25 November 2011

My Macabre Mind (4Villains & American Horror Story)

Who wouldn't trust evil faces like those?
Ok so an awesome new website just premiered this month. It is called 4Villains and is for the upcoming interactive web series by the same name. The first episode of the series will be coming out sometime after Christmas this year and you will be able to see your's truly kicking some supervillain butt. On the website you can create a super villain or hero, join groups, earn infamy points and acheivements, read the 4Villains webcomic and watch 4Villains once it premieres as well as the side series Hench'D20 which has already had its online debut. There are even going to be opportunities for fans to be mentioned or featured in episodes, therefore become a resident of Viktem/Victory City and use your superpowers for good or evil.

Is it wrong I still find him attractive even in this makeup?
In other news I have now become, well I don't want to use the word obsessed, so I'll say addicted, to the new tv show American Horror Story. It is about a family who moves to Los Angeles to fix their family, but unbeknownst to them their new house still has many former residents remaining and has been dubbed by the community "Murder House". My favourite character would have to be Tate, played by Evan Peters. I was thoroughly frustrated looking it up on google image search because half the images were of the cast of glee attending the premiere. Seriously? Just because they are created by the same men that created glee, doesn't mean that the unrelated cast deserve more coverage than the people actually starring in the series. Until I found out they had the same creator I was just left wondering when I was going to see Rachel or Finn get chopped up, cooked and fed to the Harmons by their neighbour.

Watching this show has also caused me to come to a realization. If you have to have a supernatural boyfriend, go for a ghost. Here are just a few reasons why they make better boyfriends than say a vampire or werewolf:
1. You can take them out in the sunlight
2. If things get a bit on the kinky side and you get bit you aren't turned into one of them
3. They aren't sustained by what keeps you alive (your blood or flesh)
4. Generally they are stuck in the place they died at, so if you have a fight or just want some alone time you can just go somewhere else
5. No STDs
6. Most would agree there is no chance of pregnancy, although some stories would beg to differ.
7. They can actually disappear in an instant, no need for doors or windows, so parents can't walk in on you.
8. You can trick your friends into thinking you have telekinesis.
9. If they want you to become one of them, you just have to die. Its not like you are becoming some half alive half dead thing that has to kill others to survive.
10. They can walk through walls
11. Halloween becomes really special because it is the one day of the year they can take you out on the town for a date.

So keep your Edwards and Jacobs, ghosts are where it's at.

Friday, 18 November 2011

The Day Has Come

I just don't understand this "music" the youngsters listen to
If you have guessed from my attempt to be punny, that is right, I had never seen the original Day of the Dead up until tonight. I watched the remake (it had some really awesome one sheets), but that is as much as I will say about it, let us never speak of the unrelated "remake" again. Lets get back to basics, by which I mean the original.

The opening scene would have got me in quite the holiday mood had it been that time of the year, Halloween that is (note to self zombie movie taking place during Christmas). Staring at a picture of a pumpkin patch then zombie hands bursting out of the walls. If that doesn't just scream Halloween time then I don't know what does. Once again we have a helicopter playing a major role in the opening of the film, George must have dreamt of being a helicopter pilot as a child. It was nice to see some biodiversity in this film, at the beginning we learn that zombies and alligators co-habitate in abandoned buildings. I suppose they bond over their love of biting people. Of course the cheesy 80s synth background music keeps the atmosphere, well I wouldn't call it suspenseful, dark or creepy, so it was more on the light side.
Don't worry guys, the coast is clear.

Now there was a lesson to be learned at that army bunker, you should always use at least two layers of fencing to protect you from the undead hordes. The second fence acts as a backup incase the first fence is breached. I was hoping that as a part of their military training they would have learned the effective technique of the zombie face punch, but alas not even a zombie pistol whip to be seen. The closest they got to the epicness of the zombie face punch in this instalment was the good old zombie two by four which after you knock a zombie out with it you have to give a big HUAH. The cleverness of the line "all the shopping malls are closed" definitely was not lost on me though, it was given a smirk and an eyebrow raise on my part.

Now we come to my favourite character "Dr. Frankenstein". He may be crazy, but he is so crazy he's awesome. The best thing about him though is the way he talks. That is definitely a voice I want to add to my repertoire. His domestication of the zombie idea was probably not the smartest, we saw what can happen with that in Fido. And everyone should know, when you give a zombie a gun it will ask you for some bullets, when you give a zombie some bullets it will shoot you, when a zombie shoots you it will then eat your face.

And finally the zombies themselves in this film. Once again we have the zombie costume party, but this time it has been taken to a whole notha level. You've got graduation zombie, clown zombie, used car salesman zombie, football zombie, bride zombie, ballerina on point zombie, and just to prove zombies don't discriminate, muslim zombie. The animatronics of the 80s allowed for a pretty neat decapitation scene near the end. The biggest disappointment of the film was its lack of Tom Savini, I was hoping at least for him to make a cameo as a zombie.

Well I have now completed the original George A. Romero zombie films. I am so very glad I was able to share the experience with all of you (music signalling wrap up your speech) and I would like to thank Dan from school for lending me Dawn and Day of the Dead. And I would like to thank my father for introducing me to zombies, and my mother for giving birth to me and and.... Okay I will stop rambling now.

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil - WATCH IT!

Okay just quickly I want to say, this is probably one of my favourite horror movies of recent. And rotten tomatoes agrees with me giving it an 88% rating. It is hilarious and has some great gore scenes. If I get into it anymore I would just want to tell you the entire plot so when it comes out on DVD at the end of this month rent it... or else. Here is a link to the IMDB page for it for those of you who want to know more about it:

Monday, 14 November 2011

A Little Splice of Home

And people wonder why I don't want a kid.
Ok so this weekend I went home to visit my family and watched the movie Splice with my Dad. Now I will warn you that as a Canadian I am biased to not dislike this film. Oh and for future reference, just because I make fun of something does not mean that I don't like it, I make fun of everything. Oh and while attempts are made to avoid them, spoilers do happen on occasion, so read at your own risk.

To kick this movie off it opens with the birth of a giant living turd (which also appears at times to be quite phallic in shape). Then the turd falls in love with another turd, how beautiful... These interesting choices of aesthetic continues into the lover/scientist teams' meeting with their evil corporate funding queen, the couple doesn't even bother to wear business attire. Ironic t-shirts have no place in a board meeting. No wonder their meeting didn't go the way they wanted it to. Nobody trusts a scientist who doesn't wear itchy sweater vests, high waisted pants and bow ties.

Of course after just a few minutes of observing the film one can realize the true root of all the problems in this film. The two scientists are hipsters. Hipsters should never be let anywheres near a test tube let alone an entire facility capable of creating Lovecraftian demons. There is a reason that hipsters are only allowed to get degrees in things like obscure forms of philosophy or literature, it is so that they don't play god and destroy the very fabric of the universe. This leads us to the couple's creation who's first act of evil, which should have made the scientists destroy it then and there, was to trap the woman's arm in the giant fake vagina/uterus contraption (which I am sure fills the nightmares of many people). Adrian Brody doesn't even attempt to kill the thing until a whopping 42 minutes into the film and it isn't even a very good one at that since his attempt ends up saving its life instead. Of course his delusional wife somehow convinces herself that he knew what he was doing would save the abomination.

Now talking about the creature for a minute, it starts out as this disgusting thing, but by the time it reaches "adolescence" it somehow ends up resembling Ginnifer Goodwin (no offence intended towards Ginnifer, she is doing a great job in Once Upon A Time). If you are going to make it look like a human, just do it from the beginning rather than dashing our hopes that the thing will just get creepier looking and make those maternal instincts seem even more wrong than they already do. Then there was the terrible way they explained the birds and the bees to the monster. It is smarter than you think and surprisingly can see and hear you through that sheer piece of fabric. Also if someone can spell the word tedious I think they understand that there are 26 letters in the alphabet so a song about it on repeat isn't quite necessary.

******Spoilers Ahead******

Right from the beginning you knew it was going to happen and it was so satisfying when it did. I am talking about the giant turd deathmatch. It was actually worth it to not see it in the beginning of the film and have to wait until their giant press presentation. The only thing better in this movie than that scene is the look on the woman's face when she catches Adrian Brody doing the deed with "Dren" their creation. This of course happens because all hipster scientists make love to their experiments to keep life ironic.

Well that's about it for what I got that was blog worthy from Splice. While I wouldn't call it a classic it was definitely a solid sci-fi/horror film about what happens when you play god, which if you are wondering what happens when you play god you make the Jersey Devil.

Remember little hipster children, please don't become scientists, unless you will use your powers to create giant turd death matches and nothing else, then go right ahead.

Friday, 4 November 2011

Finally It Dawned On Me

I guess it wasn't just a cold.

I know, I know, I know. You may be amazed to know that this person claiming to be obsessed with horror films had never seen the original Dawn of the Dead until tonight. Well its true. It brings me shame to say I hadn't seen this Romero classic until just a few hours ago, but I have now rectified the issue and will be sharing my thoughts about the film. 

Right off the bat I was actually surprised by the quality of the effects in the film. They have definitely withstood the test of time in my books, so Tom Savini you have earned your fame. (also didn't know that he was in the film until I saw the scenes he was in, when I saw him waltz across the screen there may or may not have been some arm flailing) Later on in the film when there is a scene filled with people the main characters called "rednecks" I couldn't help but feel they were portraying some Canadians ala Bob and Doug McKenzie. Was Romero making fun of us up here in the north? 

Several times in Dawn a new zombie fighting technique was shown to me first by the total badass Peter (played by Ken Foree) then later by Roger (played by Scott H. Reiniger). This technique would be the Zombie Face Punch. Every time I saw them punch a zombie in the face I just wanted to yell out "ZOMBIE FACE PUNCH". Its like the "FALCON PUNCH", but way better because, well, zombies. Need I say more? Peter then goes on to fight off zombies at the end using a Zombie Scissor Kick, just when you thought he couldn't kick more zombie ass.

Then there was the character Stephen. Probably the lamest human in the movie, but a pretty nifty zombie, he saw a zombie going after his girlfriend. So what did he do? Well since he had a hammer in his hand he did the obvious and hit the zombie... with his body. With. His. Body. Seriously? Isn't that probably one of the best ways to suffer a zombie bite? I mean it wasn't even a tackle, I really don't even know how to describe it, you just have to watch it for yourself.

Even with the generally basic make up in this movie the zombies were great. At some points it seemed like someone had just killed a costume party then revived their corpses and put them in the mall. I noticed at least a nurse zombie and a Hare Krishna zombie. It gets even better if you look up the full cast and crew on IMDB where you find the likes of "leotard zombie hit by sledge" or elf zombie. Then of course the one I noticed and gave the name "I crapped my pants" zombie. I guess he just got really really scared when he saw a zombie shambling towards him. His shame carried on into the afterlife. The best part though was the zombies on ice. There was something adorable about them just slowly shambling along the ice. They need to make a tour called Zombies on Ice, it would be bone chillingly good.

The final scenes of the film were great, and the film over all felt to me to be much better than the 2004 remake. This movie has a sense of fun to it, but in a dark humour form. The smaller cast allowed for better character development and showed how the movie going audience has changed since the 70s. I did enjoy noticing all of the little things they had taken from the original and made into major plot points in the sequel. In fact it was probably a good thing I saw the re-make first, otherwise those little things would never have been noticed.

Dawn of the Dead, after all this anticipation you lived up to my expectations and are definitely a must see.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Dia De Los Muertos (or Halloween Hangover)

The Fruits of my labour. Next time it will actually have
decorations, but give me a break this is my first time
 making the bread of the dead. Actually my first time making
 bread period.
Yes I wish Halloween could linger for days like the pumpkin smears on the streets do, but alas it is a one night only event. However wanting to prolong the traditions today I decided to make Pan De Muerto in honour of Dia De Los Muertos, Day of the Dead for those lacking in Spanish skills. And no not the tragic "remake" of George's film, but the actual holiday in Mexico honouring the deceased.

Speaking of the dead, I recently watched a youtube video called Dead Tide. It is the first instalment of a zombie series created by a youtuber (is that the correct term?) Who goes by Iaintalks. Overall definitely good for youtube fare, although I laughed when the character "Brian" started complaining about "those kids on the beach". Really Brian? Can you call your peers kids? Nevertheless an entertaining first endeavour into the world of the zombie from a budding film maker. If you want to take a looksie click the link: