Saturday, 29 December 2012

Rock Apocalypse Hosted by Bloody Betty... and Damien the son of satan, no biggie or anything

So the 21st came and went, surprise, surprise, we're still here. Damn Mayans, now I need to find myself a calendar for 2013. Well my family was visiting and we decided if we were going to go out we might as well do it watching some horror themed burlesque. Honestly they actually guilt tripped me into going because I was considering going to a house party. I still need to get my copy of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies back from that girl. Ah yes, onto the show.

While we waited for the show to start I had a Tarot (terror) card reading, there was really nothing very terrifying about it and it was brief and vague. Then the show started an hour late. The first act was Burns the Dragon who was this guy with creepy skin horns, for some reason my mom thought I would find that attractive, but I'm not a fan of body modification. First he played with a bunch of balls, then a dagger, then a condom through the nose and out his mouth. Next he stomped around barefoot on some broken glass and got people to staple money to his body and bled, so real blood was shed on the stage that night.

Next there was a band that wasn't very memorable, I mean at least I was there for the grotesque burlesque. We finally got to our host Bloody Betty, who was being filled in for by Damien for the first few acts. She called herself our flight attendant to hell. Our first burlesque performer only really felt horror themed in her costume and did a whole hell of a lot of butt jiggling.

The last performer I got to see before I left for a midnight showing of Silent Night was called Misery and she was a "sci-fi" themed burlesque performer and I'll tell you some sparks were flying off that stage. She did a road warrior tribute to some very dubsteppy music. She was the first act to purposely spew blood on the stage, out of her mouth. Then she took her rotating saw to some metal panels on her outfit and shot sparks out of her crotch into the audience. That was fun.

My parents stayed after I left and apparently there was a mermaid burlesque girl, I would have liked to see that. All in all a fun evening, although I would have preferred for it to have just been the burlesque, for the horror aspect, not for the women stripping down to nipple tassels aspect.

Monday, 17 December 2012

Creepy Christmas 2012: Saint... and a Christmas Tree.

So I couple weeks back I watched another Christmas horror movie (well St. Nicholas Day which is actually on the 5th, but it counts). It is from the Netherlands and deals with a rare occurance when St. Nicholas Day happens to be a full moon, so St. Nicholas comes back and kidnaps/kills a massive chunk of the population of Amsterdam. Now this is actually a spoiler free post because this movie didn't leave as much of an impression on me as Rare Exports did last year.

I did however learn a few things about St. Nicholas Day through the movie, such as the involvement of people dressed in black face for the holiday. I was rather taken aback by that just like the first time I saw morris(probably spelling that wrong) dancers as a child. Also people write very dirty poems to accompany their gifts which I think would be a fun tradition to take up here in Canada. When I started watching at first I thought it might have been from the early 2000's because of the outfits the girls were wearing, very tacky and trashy... and skimpy for a place where there is actually snow. Turns out they were just very unfashionable people. Here's the trailer for those wanting a sampling of the movie's aesthetics:

Now in my ranking of "Not Yo Mama's Christmas movies" I would rank this one below Rare Exports, but above Santa's Slay. I particularly enjoyed the opening scenes which impressed me with how much story they told without dialogue. Unfortunately I feel that may have set my standards a bit too high for the rest of the film. Not to say that it was bad, just a little disappointing. The FX were of decent quality and while I wouldn't make this a perennial favourite I would say it is a fun watch.

I am currently skyping with my parents whilst they trim their tree and that has inspired me to share a picture of my Christmas tree for this year.
That's Princess Leia at the top with a Sonic Screwdriver behind her. There are also zombie parts thrown in there and worms in place of tinsel.
You can expect a best and worst of 2012 list in the coming weeks as well as a review of the new movie Silent Night. Hope your holidays are proving horrific so far!

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Creepy Christmas 2012: Treevenge

I thought the picture was cool, I have absolutely no idea who this drunken clown is.

Well it is the 1st of December and you know what that means... It's completely socially acceptable to start watching Christmas/holiday themed horror movies!!!!! Today I started off my holiday season with a short film I had heard about last year called Treevenge. It was made in 2008 and turns out to be Canadian, which made me happy. The film creates some great comedic moments through the communication of trees and some hilarious gore. It made me quite glad that for the first time in my life I'm having a fake tree this year.

Read on to watch the 16 minute film, it's worth it.