BATMAN! (The Dark Knight Rises)

Ok, so it may be called The Dark Knight Rises, but that is just such a long winded title that I'm far to lazy to constantly type out. So I'm going to call it Batman from now on. Besides I know that thats the only thought going through your head as you watch it. Right now I am writing this from a greyhound station that actually feels like it could be a set from the movie due to the bleak decor and fluorescent lights. Also I don't have internet here so this is actually being posted long after I've left here. In addition this review will be containing comparisons to previous non-Christopher Nolan Batman movies and a couple of the cartoons, oh and of course a high chance of spoilers as always so read on if you dare!



First thing that stood out to me was holy shit Bane can talk, albeit in a muffled accent that you can barely understand, but still that is an improvement from the silent musclehead seen in the previous film. I actually read a summary of the comics version of the character and he seems like a pretty awesome dude, switching from villain to hero and even teaming up with Batman at times.

I don't know why but they opted out of the  wrestler mask. People wear those in everyday life right?

Next we have a character I've never heard of named Miranda Tate (Batman fanboys please don't hate me if she is a common character in the comics, I am just naturally inclined to Marvel comics so I don't know as much about Batman as I should) who is played by Marion Cotillard, a pleasant surprise which also makes this a Inception party since we also have Tom Hardy as Bane and Joseph Gordon Levitt as… well basically it's clear right from the beginning that he is going to take over the Batman legacy so let's just call him "Robin" for now.

Next up we have Catwoman who IS ACTUALLY A JEWEL THEIF! Tim Burton I have nothing against you, but your Catwoman just wasn't how I've always pictured her, of course my idea of Catwoman was solidified by the "The Batman" cartoons. She is meant to be flirty and intelligent, never really pictured her as psychotic, but hey your Penguin makes up for it. Tim it's hard to make a man who's short and uses an umbrella as a weapon truly menacing and you achieved that quite well. I have digressed a lot now so back on target: Anne Hathaway, your Catwoman was awesome and you had great chemistry with Batman.

I had forgotten this abomination existed until I google image searched Catwoman

Now something I noticed in this movie I had not noticed in the previous instalments was the mole located right by the inner edged of his eye. I watched equilibrium the other day and noticed it there too so it wasn't a makeup choice for the film, just something he hasn't had cosmetically removed. I'm not trying to be mean, I have many moles myself, but it is just so prominent now that I know it is there every time I see him onscreen I just want to shout out "MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY". Does this make me a bad person? Probably, but at least I'm honest.

MOLE!!

Oooo and as a minor lackey of an evil business man we have one of the actors Torchwood killed off a while ago. Nice to see that he's getting some work. Ope, now Batman has given himself a robot leg. Let's hope it doesn't malfunction at some point. Yes, that means I'm secretly hoping that it will malfunction within the film. And as we finally see Batman return (it takes quite a while for this to happen) I just keep thinking to myself "capes seem so impractical".

Now I've ventured onto the bus for the next portion of my journey. Writing on the bus, writing on the bus, do do do do, writing on the bus.

So Batman has returned and tries to stop a daylight stock market heist which turns into a car/motorcycle chase at night in the blink of an eye. I didn't know that Gotham was located on the equator. Well this scene reminds me of one from a movie I have seen far too many times, Blade Trinity, where Blade is hunting down a vampire and gets chased and seemingly trapped by the police. The visuals are very similar and the concept is the same "police going after wrongly accused hero".

So the movie goes on for a bit and I am left thinking to myself, can we please have Cilian Murphy back? He's pretty and looking at him in the Batman movies makes me happy. Oh noes! Children are now singing ominously, only bad things can happen from here. I somewhat enjoy a quality children's choral group because they always just sound so dang creepy, hence why they are used in a lot of horror movies. With another appearance of a guy from a show I watch the asian cop from Grimm is now also employed by the Gotham police force. I wouldn't exactly call that a promotion.

How could you possibly lock away a face like that?

Wait a second, is that who I think it is? CILIAN MURPHY! Mmmmkay I'm in a happy place now, they can kill off Batman and I probably wouldn't mind. And now the big twist is revealed Bane is merely protecting a more evil woman… just like in that terrible Batman movie with the governator in it. Now that we have reached the end of the movie everything gets wrapped up all neat and tidy with a nice little bow tied on top.

So here's the skinny on my overall impression of the film: When you could hear the actors their performances were great, visually the movie was great, but the plot? That I felt was lacking. It was a good movie, just not as good as The Dark Knight or the movie that will be featured in the next review I write up for you.