Tuesday, 28 February 2012

The Murse (aka "The Satchel"): Five Reasons Why Indiana Jones Can Pull It Off and You Can't.

A tragic trend has seemed to creep into North America from Europe. It is called the Murse (derived from man-purse). The scourge of the cities known as the hipsters have been quick to adopt this. When mocked about wearing a murse and being told it makes them look like a tool they will retort by calling it a satchel and claiming it is cool because Indiana Jones uses one. Next time a hipster tries to point that out to you respond with this list of five reasons why Indiana Jones can pull it off and they can't.

1. He has a freaking PhD:
Indie is a world renowned university professor who has probably achieved tenure since he leaves his lectures frequently and does not seem to get fired. He has earned the right to be a little quirky.
Professors like that might make me actually want to sit through a lecture.

2. He is ripped:
Ask women around the world, Indiana Jones is damn fine and we would make sweet tender love to him in a heartbeat. Also judging by the offspring he produces those attributes don't dilute through the gene pool (even if that sequel should never have been, yes you know you would go for Shia Labeouf if you had the chance). When a man is that manly a little bit of femininity almost makes him even more masculine.
Yeah, you can pull off sleeveless Indie.

3. He has done more women than you, your father, your grandfather and all of your college buddies combined:
This is connected to number two, but still is a point unto itself, Indiana Jones is irresistable and does insanely well with the ladies, infact you probably can't even fathom the number of women he has been with.
Oh you know why she's smiling.
4. His father is Sean Connery:
Always wished I could count this man among my grandparents.

5. He went on dangerous nazi killing adventures:
How many times have you broken into a temple, stolen a priceless magical artifact, had it stolen by the nazis, track it back down, and stop the nazis from winning the second world war single handedly, oh yeah and kill a bunch of them while doing all that? You haven't? Then you will never be able to pull of a murse.
There is a reason these nazi zombies waited until the 2000s to come back.

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